My last post was almost full five years ago.
Silence in my head.
Where did the years go?
In questioning this topic.
In pondering beyond it.
In dissapointments about it.
In further disilllusionment.
In persistant optimism.
In love, inspite of everything.
I'm not jaded, to my own surprise. I understand that the "Change is the only constant", and I truly think I swim in those waters quite well. Every once in a while I get reminded about the absurdity of things, especially about the music industry, but now I just shake my head and keep going.
Today I realise it took years to get to that!
I ask myself often what the point of all of this is? Is it likes, is it comments, is it the number of people who will read it (or not)?
None of it.
The point is simply writing. If it was ever anything else, now it's clear that writing is an essential part of what I need to do to feel alive. To dig deeper. To come to conclusions and understandings.
To feel.
I just finished rewriting (digitizing) two notebooks of diaries I was taking throughout the 90s, back in Serbia and very shortly after I moved to Canada. In this process I went through organizing chronologically all the letters I have from my closest friends, family - present and past. They will all be a part of the book I have been working on in the last years.
What a revelation that was! I think everybody should write. All the time. Everything. There is something magical about catching the moment, the feel, the emotion, the ever seemingly insignificant events, and re-experiencing them with your new age years after.
Back to the music.
Recently I have been approached by yet another desperate music service company that works on organizing gigs. Quite big, throughout Canada. Perhaps in the USA as well. The owner wanted to talk with me personally over the phone. Over the years I've learnt not to be overly surprised, but this left me quite curious, I must say.
He asks if I still write music. We have been in touch once some years ago. Am I planing to release something soon? He wants to talk about what my plans are, and what I'm looking for at this time of my (non existent) music career. I go into details about what I work on, how many projects are on the go and such.
What exactly my needs are at the moment. He really wants to know.
I tell him that it's extremely hard at my age to attract musicians if there is no paid gigs lined up. It's true. When you are in your twenties things happen with love and enthusiasm around the common cause, you are living your school years, life is less structured, dreams are way huge, there is way more opportunities and time to connect with similar souls.
Not when you are 55!
He listens intently. I can see him nodding behind the wireless tower.
I tell him if I had a lineup of gigs I can present to the pro musicians I have access to, I could get a very good band ready in a few days, and he seems to have the exact opportunity for that.
Silence in my head.
Where did the years go?
In questioning this topic.
In pondering beyond it.
In dissapointments about it.
In further disilllusionment.
In persistant optimism.
In love, inspite of everything.
I'm not jaded, to my own surprise. I understand that the "Change is the only constant", and I truly think I swim in those waters quite well. Every once in a while I get reminded about the absurdity of things, especially about the music industry, but now I just shake my head and keep going.
Today I realise it took years to get to that!
I ask myself often what the point of all of this is? Is it likes, is it comments, is it the number of people who will read it (or not)?
None of it.
The point is simply writing. If it was ever anything else, now it's clear that writing is an essential part of what I need to do to feel alive. To dig deeper. To come to conclusions and understandings.
To feel.
I just finished rewriting (digitizing) two notebooks of diaries I was taking throughout the 90s, back in Serbia and very shortly after I moved to Canada. In this process I went through organizing chronologically all the letters I have from my closest friends, family - present and past. They will all be a part of the book I have been working on in the last years.
What a revelation that was! I think everybody should write. All the time. Everything. There is something magical about catching the moment, the feel, the emotion, the ever seemingly insignificant events, and re-experiencing them with your new age years after.
Back to the music.
Recently I have been approached by yet another desperate music service company that works on organizing gigs. Quite big, throughout Canada. Perhaps in the USA as well. The owner wanted to talk with me personally over the phone. Over the years I've learnt not to be overly surprised, but this left me quite curious, I must say.
He asks if I still write music. We have been in touch once some years ago. Am I planing to release something soon? He wants to talk about what my plans are, and what I'm looking for at this time of my (non existent) music career. I go into details about what I work on, how many projects are on the go and such.
What exactly my needs are at the moment. He really wants to know.
I tell him that it's extremely hard at my age to attract musicians if there is no paid gigs lined up. It's true. When you are in your twenties things happen with love and enthusiasm around the common cause, you are living your school years, life is less structured, dreams are way huge, there is way more opportunities and time to connect with similar souls.
Not when you are 55!
He listens intently. I can see him nodding behind the wireless tower.
I tell him if I had a lineup of gigs I can present to the pro musicians I have access to, I could get a very good band ready in a few days, and he seems to have the exact opportunity for that.
It would work perfectly. I get the musicians the paid gigs, he gets a good, reliable band, with almost unlimited access to original songs.
At least for my life span.
In a couple days I received an email from him.
It contains a proposal of a promo package he offers for my new projects.
$3500
It includes articles in two magazines he advertises in his website to the sky and back.
With a bit of online digging, it turns out that the two "prominent" magazines are only online, and administered by his former employee.
At this point I'm not even surprised.
I laugh it off.
The music industry today (or most of it, and most major players in it) is not there for you, the musician. And I don't care anymore if I piss anybody off with this or not. My time in this music industry realm is over, and I will only continue to make music because I have to by my creative nature and love, no matter where it happens to end up.
The major players for the most part are predators. I've been approached by several. They will stream your music for close to nothing, they will even encourage you to give your music for free.
In a couple days I received an email from him.
It contains a proposal of a promo package he offers for my new projects.
$3500
It includes articles in two magazines he advertises in his website to the sky and back.
With a bit of online digging, it turns out that the two "prominent" magazines are only online, and administered by his former employee.
At this point I'm not even surprised.
I laugh it off.
The music industry today (or most of it, and most major players in it) is not there for you, the musician. And I don't care anymore if I piss anybody off with this or not. My time in this music industry realm is over, and I will only continue to make music because I have to by my creative nature and love, no matter where it happens to end up.
The major players for the most part are predators. I've been approached by several. They will stream your music for close to nothing, they will even encourage you to give your music for free.
They will make you do everything just so they can come and scoop the honey after all your hard work. If you are lucky you will be one of the handfull of those who make money with your songs, but even then you will get peanuts from millions and millions of streams. You may be lucky to get a bit more with gigs.
With all of that, they will want to mold you into a scheme that fits what they think it works.
I learnt that billboard positions can be paid with packages of $20-$25k, I was promised all american distribution in stores just to be told it didn't work, but asked to pay another $3,000 for the
With all of that, they will want to mold you into a scheme that fits what they think it works.
I learnt that billboard positions can be paid with packages of $20-$25k, I was promised all american distribution in stores just to be told it didn't work, but asked to pay another $3,000 for the
two small remaining stores somewhere who knows where, while at the same time designing myself the promo sheet! I was tempted to give a song to an american library only to see the agreement I was sent to sign that says they can do whatever they want with the song! No way. And so on. And so on.
And, even though this sounds very harsh, I'm ok with it. They figured it out. Great for them.
I'm even ok with musicians, creators, accepting it and submitting to it.
Change is inevitable. Perhaps, I only had more belief in the power of creators, their pride, their potential fight with the way things were going. But, I was wrong.
And that's ok.
I still have so much love in me that it will never run out. I also still have music, and writing, and so many creative things to keep me happy and alive.
Whether it was approved or not.
The point is creating.
And, even though this sounds very harsh, I'm ok with it. They figured it out. Great for them.
I'm even ok with musicians, creators, accepting it and submitting to it.
Change is inevitable. Perhaps, I only had more belief in the power of creators, their pride, their potential fight with the way things were going. But, I was wrong.
And that's ok.
I still have so much love in me that it will never run out. I also still have music, and writing, and so many creative things to keep me happy and alive.
Whether it was approved or not.
The point is creating.
That's all that matters.
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